Michael Fantasy マイケル・ファンタシー

If you want to see Michael Jackson fight everyone from every NES game and then save the earth, click here.
Thanks to Madmartigan for the link.
ファミコムのゲームの全部の全員と戦って地球を救うマイケル・ジャクソンを見たかったら、これをクリックしなさい。
リンクはマドマルティガンにありがとう。

Christmas in Japan 日本でクリスマス

I came back to Ichinoseki in the early morning of the 24th, and after dicking on the internet for a while, showered and took a nap. I also got a phone call from home, which was great. On Sunday I was bored. Everyone was either in their hometowns or home countries. I went down to Paper Moon, and stayed at the bar until around 11, and since I was working the next morning and had to bike home in the sleet, I didn't order any alcohol. Not that it mattered. I got free German red wine (sweet!), free cake and fried chicken (which I hate eating but I did it anyway for politeness' sake).
２４日の早い朝に一関に戻った、そしてネットで遊んでからシャワーを浴びて寝た。 あ、カナダに居る家族から電話を掛けたからちょっと嬉しかった。日曜日は 退屈。皆が故郷か自国へ戻ってしまった・・・ペーパームーンというバーに行って１１時ぐらい店員に話し込んだ。もっと遅く居たかったけど半分雨半分雪が 降っていたし次の朝は働いていた。酒を頼まなかったけど関係なかったね・・・無料で美味しいドイツの赤ワインとケーキと揚げ鶏肉（食べるのが嫌いけどしな いと失礼だから食べた）。

Then something weird happened. The bartender showed me a picture of her wearing a jinbei. I said she looked cute and suggested we have a day in the summer where we all wear yukata/jinbei/whatever. She laughed and said she hates wearing traditional Japanese stuff because only old people do that.
それから変な事が起こった。バーの職員さんが彼女はじんべいを着ている写真を見せてくれた。「可愛い」っていって夏でいつか浴衣・じんべい会をしようと提議した。彼女が笑って老人ばかりが和服を着るっていった。

Think carefully about this. What kind of culture throws away its own clothing as 'outdated'? Not Western, that's for sure. There's no difference between a suit and a kimono. The suit is the traditional Western dress. Yeah, it's changed over time, but it's still a a suit. But Japan has thrown away its traditional dress, yet another unique aspect of Japanese culture tossed in the rubbish heap ... I hear that younger people are starting to buy kimonos and Japanese stuff again, with innovative new designs that appeal to young buyers. I hope so.
よく考えてく ださい。どんな文化が自分の服は「もう廃れる」と思っているの？確かに西洋の文化じゃないよ。別に着物とスーツと違いはない。スーツは西洋国 の伝統的な服だ。もちろん時代的に変わったけど基本的にまだスーツだ。但し日本が伝統的な和服を捨てた。ゴミ箱に落とされたもう一つの日本の文化の特殊な 物の例だね。でも、最近若者が着物や和風な物を買っていると聞いた。新しい模様は若者に気に入れたかな。そうならいいね。

On the 26th I went to the office and drank as much tea as possible to stay awake. At six PM there was a staff party for someone who is getting married, and since the food was going to be 'traditional Japanese', I went to McDonalds beforehand. Good thing too, because except for all the yellowtail sashimi there was nothing there I could eat. Dad would have gone nuts with the crab and lobster and oysters and whatnot.
２６日 は事務所に行って寝ないようにお茶を一杯一杯飲んだ。６時に結婚する職員の為に忘年会が有ったし、料理は「伝統な日本料理」だったから先にマックに 行った。よかった・・・はまち刺身以外は朕が食べられる物は全然なかった。カニや大海老やカキは盛り合わせだったのでお父さんが発狂して食べるけどさ。

As we spilled out into the street, the girls wanted to go to karaoke for the after party, while the men wanted to go to a hostess bar, which they ended up doing, obviously. I didn't go because I was already dead tired, and didn't feel like spending a hundred dollars to chat up a girl in a short dress. I did, however, notice that there was a 'salon' across the road, with an entry fee of 12 0000 yen. Probably an hourly fee. A salon is a place where you get a (usually) unclothed girl pour drinks for you while you chat her up, followed by a Hunnicutt. I didn't think Ichinoseki was big enough to have one.
忘年会が終わって道路に出ると、女性達が二次会でカラオケに行きたかったけど、男性達がスナックni
行 きたかった。もちろん皆が結局スナックに入った。もう疲れたし短いスカートの女性と話す為に一万円を払いたくなかったので帰った。でも、路の向う側に一 万二千円入金のサロンが在ると見た。多分一時間だけかな。知らなかったら、サロンは（大体）会話をしながら自分の酒は裸婦に注がれる、そしてそれから尺八 をもらう。サロンが在る為に一関は十分大きくないと思っていた。

The next day at work most of the staff looked like hell. And then, the opportunity arose for me to use my Perfect Comeback. The one I had been waiting for ...
Staff A: S, are you going back to America (for New Year's)?
Staff B (in embarrassed whisper): S is from England.
Staff A: Huh?
Me (to Staff A): Are you heading home to China for New Year's?
Staff A: Whaaa!?! You think I'm Chinese? (pointing to self incredulously).
Me: You're Asian, aren't you? So you're probably heading home to China.
And so another point is rammed home. namely that all white people are not from the U.S. of A.
次の日は職員達の顔は全員地獄に落ちたそうだった。皆は本当に死にそうだった。そして・・・そして朕の「完全復帰」を使う機会が来た。朕が随分待っていた機会・・・
職員Ａさん：Sさんは（お正月の為に）アメリカに帰る？
職員Ｂさん（恥ずかしい小声で）：イギリス人です。
職員Ａさん：えっ？
朕（職員Ａさんに）：お正月は中国の出身に帰る？
職員Ａさん：えええ！私は中国人だと思っている？？？（自分を指しながら）
朕：あなたはアジア人でしょう？だから多分中国に帰る。
白人は全員アメリカ人じゃない主義を成功に教え込んだ。

On a completely different topic, I completely cleaned my apartment. Furniture has been rearranged and and tatami has been duly vacuumed. I've also gotten a hankering recently for mapo doufu. Canadian beef may be for sale again but it's yet to reach Iwate ...
別の話題でアパートを全部掃除した。家具を別な所に移動して畳はよく掃除機された。最近は麻婆豆腐を食べたい・・・カナダの牛肉が輸入許可をもらったけどまだ岩手県に届いてない・・・

Oh yeah, and I cancelled NHK. I was paying 2500 a month in regular fees and then another 2500 for satellite. Now, I hardly ever watched TV, but I didn't mind paying the viewer fee because it really wasn't that much. But then NHK sent a man to inform me that I was not paying the satellite fee. I think NHK is boring as hell, as it seems to consist of shows about mushrooms, old men, old men and mushrooms, what happens to mushrooms without the care of old men, etc etc. But NHK's BS-1 satellite service is utter crap. Yes, compared to regular NHK. I shoved my TV in my closet (it's not really mine, it belongs to the apartment) to see if I could do without it. It's been about two months and I haven't missed TV one bit. So I checked to see if I could cancel online. Turns out I can't (I had to call and a very nice woman helped me cancel it), but here's an interesting blurb on their English site.
あ、 そしてＮＨＫを無効した。普通の受信料で一ヶ月ずつ２５００円ぐらい払っていて衛星放送でまた２５００円ぐらいを払っていた。朕があまりテレビを見な いけど、そんなに高くなかったから別に受信料は払っていいと思っていた。しかし、衛星受信料を払ってないって教える為にＮＨＫが朕のアパートまで職員を行 かせた。ＮＨＫは全くつまらないと思う。番組の全部はきのこ、おじいさん、きのことおじいさん、おじいさんが居ないときのこはどうになるについてばかり見 たい。でもＢＳ－１衛星放送は百割糞だと思う。はい、それは普通のＮＨＫと比べると。見なくて生きられると確認する為にテレビを戸棚に入れた（売りたいけ ど自分よりアパートのテレビだ・・・）。もう二ヶ月ぐらい掛かったし全然テレビの事に寂しくない。ネット上で無効するかどうかと調べた。実は出来ない（電 話しなくちゃ；優しいお姉さんのお陰で無効した）けど、受信料の説明頁で面白い事を読んだ。

"The receiving fees allow NHK to secure financial independence and extend fair and impartial news coverage and present high-quality programs that are socially significant, without being influenced by ratings or government or private organizations."
「 公平・公正な立場で放送の自主性を保ちながら、テレビやラジオの放送を通じて国民の生命・財産を守り、公共の福祉、文化の向上に貢献することが、ＮＨＫの 基本的使命です。ＮＨＫがその使命を果たすためには、政府や企業などの特定のスポンサーに頼ることのない「財政の自立」が必要です。」

Yeah f*cking right. Author Alex Kerr quoted a Far Eastern Economic Review article in his book Dogs and Demons: The Fall of Modern Japan, which I shall reproduce for you here: "[in 1992] an NHK documentary on harsh living conditions in the Tibetan Himalayas featured a sand avalanche, footage of a monk praying for an end to a three-month dry spell, and an explanation that his horse had died of thirst. NHK later admitted that a crew member had deliberately caused the avalanche; it had rained twice during the filming; and the monk, whom it paid, did not own the dead horse." ("An NHK Documentary": Sebastian Moffett, "Slipping Standards, FEER, 25 April 1996.
全く嘘じゃない？アレックス・カーという作家が「犬と鬼―知られざる日本の肖像」 で「遠亜経済検討雑誌」でいい引用を使った。「（１９９２年に）チベットのヒマラヤ山の厳しい生活についての記録番組（ドキュメンタリ）が砂の滑落、３ヶ 月ぐらい雨が降らななかったので坊さんが祈っている、そして水がなかったから坊さんの馬が死んだのを見せた。後で、ＮＨＫが職員達がわざと滑落をした、記 録中で雨が二回降った、そしてＮＨＫが金で援助した坊さんは死んでいる馬の持ち主じゃなかった。」（”ＮＨＫの記録番組”：セバスチャン・モフェット、” 落ちる基準”、遠亜経済検討雑誌、１９９６年４月２５日）

I'm not going to miss it.
朕がテレビを見なくても別にいい。

Censorship Again 又検閲をしてみているの？

My post on the evil museum at Yasukuni Shrine has been erased from the front page again. Yet it still exists. Read the truth here.
靖国神社の悪物館についての記事はまた前頁から消された。しかしまだこの世に在る。真実をここでご覧。

Whoa. あれ？

Is it just me, or did my post on the Yasukuni Museum on the 27th just disappear?
朕の想像だけかもしれないけど、２７日に出版した靖国の博物館についての記事が消えたか？

Back to Iidabashi 飯田橋へ戻り

By now I had the whole afternoon to kill, so by using the GPS on my phone I decided to go try and see a movie. The nearest station was Iidabashi on the JR Central Line, so I walked there. The landscape became more familiar, and I remembered schools and shops. Finally I emerged out of the jumble of streets and saw the building which encompasses the Tokyo International Youth Hostel where Chris and Mark and I stayed at in May. The bath is great. A little expensive but I recommend it to all. I wanted to get to Ikebukuro, partly because that's where my night bus would depart from and also because there seemed to be a few movie theatres there. For those that don't know me very well, I can get lost by walking in a straight line. That's why I wanted to go near a place that was near my departing bus station. Anyway, I was staring at the map above the ticket machine and trying to find the price for the station I was supposed to go to, according to my phone. I imagine my face resembled some kind of wrinkled angry white man. I wasn't angry, just wondering why I couldn't find the damn station on the map. A Japanese girl standing next to me asked me in English if I needed any help, and I showed her my phone and the route I wanted to take. The conversation quickly switched into Japanese, and she told me I needed to take the subway, not the JR line. I thanked her profusely, got the usual 'Your Japanese is so wonderful' comment, and happily received an incredulous look from her white boyfriend who had been standing there silent the whole time. Take that, whitey.

午後は全く暇 だったのでなんか映画を見ようと決めて携帯の 電航（ナヴィ）で探した。一番近い駅は中央線の飯田橋だったのでそこに歩いていった。あの学校を 見た事あるかその店を知っていると思うとかを考えて風景を段々覚えていた。結局道の森から出て朕とクリスとマークが泊まった若者低価旅館（ユースホステ ル）建物を見た。お風呂は素晴らしいよ。ちょっと高いけど皆に好評するよ。映画館が在るし朕が乗るバスがそこから出発するので池袋に行きたかったけど、理 由は僕は迷子だからバスが出発する駅に早く行きたかった。とにかく、どうやって行くって駅の地図を見ながら携帯の電航も見ていた。朕の顔は多分「起こって いる白人の男」だったかな。起こってなかったけどなんで地図で行きたい駅が見つかれないと理解できなかっただけ。隣に立っている日本人の女性が英語で「私 はなにか手伝えますか」と聞いて朕が携帯の画面を見せた。中央線じゃなくて地下鉄に乗ればすぐ到着するって教えてくれた。何回も「ありがとうございます」 と言って感謝した。普通「貴方の日本語は凄いですね」と解説した。そして朕が喜んで彼女の静かでそのまま立っていた白人の彼氏に疑い深い顔をしてもらっ た。それが好きでしょうね、白鬼。

So I excused myself and ducked into the adjacent building to take the subway. While reading that map, I was asked by a Malaysian guy on how to get to Tokyo Station. Since going there by subway would take two transfers, I suggested that we take the train, which we did and I brought him safely to Tokyo. Since that was done, I said goodbye and took the Central Line express to Shinjuku, transfer to Yamanote Line, get to Ikebukuro. Which was on the other side of Tokyo. Meh, so what, it was a nice thing to do. When we were transferring and waiting for another train, the guy without the flag in this picture had been on the rails doing something to the tracks. The look on his face was great as he was wondering when a high-speed train of death would approach and how much time he'd have to move out of the way.
「失礼します」と言ってから隣の建物に行って階段を下げるから地下鉄の販売機に進んだ。地下鉄の地図を 読みながらどうやって東京駅に行くと傍人のマレーシ ア人に尋ねられた。地下鉄で行けば２回乗り換えしなくちゃならなかったので電車で行こうと提議した。そうして安全的に彼を東京駅に連れて行った。それが終 わってからさよならと言って中央線の新宿行きの快速に乗って山手線で乗り換えして池袋に行った。東京の向こう側だったけど・・・まいや、優しかったから十 分でしょう。乗り換え中に写真で立っている旗を持っていない男の人は鉄道の修理とかをやっていた。快速轢死電車がいつ来るかなの顔をやっていたので本当に 面白かった。

Arriving in Ikebukuro, I walked around trying to find the damn movie theatre. I found the bus stop I would be departing from, but try as I might I kept on going in the wrong direction to get to the theatre. According to my phone I was getting close, so I went up another block, and then found I had gone too far. All right. Backtrack, take side street, come out on correct side of street. And there it was, and it had only taken like 45 minutes to walk 200m from the station! I approached the theatre eagerly - it looked small, but maybe good enough for the Yamato movie I wanted to see. I was only a few metres away, and looked up to see what was playing.
池袋に着いてその糞な映画館を探し歩いた。一関へ帰る為のバス停留所を見 つけたけど、幾らやってみても映画館が見つからなかった。携帯の電航によって段々 近くなってきていたので、もう少し進んで、また確認するとやっぱり行き過ぎた・・・ちょっと戻って、小さな路に入ってから正しい側に着いた。よーし、見つ けた！駅から約２００メートルぐらい歩くのはただ４５分掛かったな～ちょっと興奮して映画館の近くに着いた。ちょっと小さそうだってけど、見たかった「男 たちの大和」の映画は上映していたかな。もう前に立っていたので、上を見て看板でどんな映画が上映していたと認めた。

Right. Not only did I spend 45 minutes searching for what turned out to be a porn theatre, because of the holiday it was closed! Double unfair!
そう。エロ映画館を探す為に４５分を捨てた以上、祝日だったから閉まっていた！二倍不公平！

All right, fine. According to my phone there was another theatre across the railroad tracks. I went there, and failed to find it. I did see a guy with wild hair scouting two high school girls, though. Scouts hang around the busy stations and if they see a likely target, approach and attempt to get the girls to act in porn movies. It's a good way for high school girls to earn extra money.
はいはい、でもまだ諦めてないよ！携帯の情報によって鉄道の向う に他の映画館はありそうだった。そっちに行って又見つけられなかった。でも、狂っている髪 の毛の男が女子高生二人をスカウトしていた。込んでいる駅でスカウトさんが待って、いい的を見たらすぐ話し込んでエロ映画を作ると誘う。バイトより女子高 生によってお金がすぐ得られる。

Feeling a bit defeated, I charged my phone and laptop at a pillar outside of a Parco and hoped that there was a wireless network around that I could use. Of course, there wasn't.
ちょっと諦めよう感じが出たので携帯と膝電をパルコの外である柱で充電して無線ネットがあると希望した。もちろんなかった。

I ended up packing my stuff and spent about four hours at this net cafe near the bus stop. Ah well, the girl at the front was nice. I met some crazy peopleon the elevator which was fun, but the ride home was pretty uneventful. And that was my trip to Tokyo, in three posts.
荷物を全部準備して四 時間ぐらいこちらのバス停留所の近くにあるネットカフェで過ごした。まいや、女性な店員さんは優しかった。上下機（じょうかき、エレ ベーター）で発狂している人達に会って楽しかったけど、バスで一関に帰るのはまあまあ書くことはないね。そして、三つの記事でそれは朕の東京旅だった。

The Right-Wingers are Nuts 右派の奴等は痴人だ

After leaving the Imperial Palace, there were various groups outside in the street carring banners like 'Japan is an Imperial Country' and 'The Emperor Must Be Revered'. Fine. I can live with that. However, they were passing out flyers at the street corner - and some were being passed out by women! - that detailed why Japan should NOT have a female emperor. The general argument presented in the leaflet was that historically it has been a male line, and even the past Empresses had inherited the throne because of their fathers, not mothers, and if a woman became Empress then her children would inherit the male blood of the non-imperial-family member and thus cease to be royal, and other countries allow the first born child to succeed to the throne but dammit, Prussia didn't, so Japan doesn't have to either. And other bullsh*t.
皇居を出てから「日本は皇国だ」とか「天皇尊 敬」のような旗を持っている団体を一杯見た。別にいい。但し、どうして日本は女帝が許せないの理由は載ってい る広報を道角で出していたし、女性も出していたのは信じられない！一般な論じは歴史的に男系だった、昔の女性天皇もお母さんじゃなくてお父さんから天皇に なったので本当は男系、現代の女性が天皇になったら配偶者とするの子供が「彼」の子供になると血統が彼のになってもう皇族な子供じゃないし、他国の王族で 一番年上の子供が次の王か女王になれるけど、プロシアはその制度がなかったので日本はそうする訳ない、等等等の糞ばかり。

And so I created this little button. I mean really, I can just read the headline now: "Imperial Line Extinguished; Imperialists Rejoice, "At least a woman didn't ascend the throne" as millennia-old tradition dies."
そのせいでこの小さな釦を作っ た。何か新聞が想像できる・・・「皇位継承が消え；皇帝主義者が喜び。二千年間以上な伝統が亡くなり「女が天皇に成らなくてよかったね！」と宣言し」。


Then the menacing right-wing trucks and vans started to appear, screaming 'Tennou-Heika Banzai ... BANZAI!!!!' over and over again.
「天皇陛下万歳・・・バンザイ！！！」をとめどなくて叫んでいる黒い街宣車が出た。

Whatever semblance of tolerance I had disappeared when I saw this big black truck. It's designed to bully people into following the doctrine of Emperor-reverence.
このでかい黒いトラックを見る朕の包容力がなくなった。いじめで天皇を尊敬させる為ばかり。

What do most people think of it? Not much, judging by the graffitti on this sign.
庶民はどう思う？この看板の汚れを見ると何も思わなさそう。

I went back to Tokyo Station at this point. Here we see the dome from the inside of the station.
これから東京駅に戻った。これは駅内の丸屋根だ。

This is the old part of the station and actually looks good compared to the concrete crap that makes up the rest of it.
これは駅の古い部分なので残りのコンクリートの糞物と比べるといい外見だ。

I then planned to visit the Yasukuni Museum. On the way there I found another propaganda van!
それからは靖国の博物館を見に行った。途中で街宣車を又見た！

Tennou-Heika Banzai! 天皇陛下万歳！

My day trip to Tokyo to see the Emperor started off, appropriately, with a fight while waiting for the bus in Sendai. Drunken groups were pouring out of restaurants, and one group came near me. They were laughing and jostling, and suddenly one guy - in the photo the tall one on the left - just wailed into another, younger man with a kick to the stomach. Amazingly, the guy just laughed it off, until the assailant gave him a right hook to the face that sent him sprawling into the road. The guy in white held the fighter back and calmed him down. Wow.
天皇を見に行く日は適当に仙台でバスに待っている間に喧嘩で始めた。酔っている団体が居酒屋から出て 一つのが朕の近くに来た。笑いながら押し合っていた が、突然に一人の男の人（写真で左の背が高い人）が他の若い男の人の腹をぶっ蹴った。驚いた事は打たれた人がただ笑ったが、起こっている男性がすぐ彼の顔 を打って道に押した。白いコートを着ている男性が彼を抱きとめた。うわ。

Arriving in Tokyo after an uncomfortable night on the bus, I went in search of electricty so I could power my laptop and watch Simpsons until it was time to go to the palace. Look, I arrived at 5 am, and the palace didn't open until 9:30, so I needed something to do. I found an underground mall near Tokyo Station and an unguarded outlet. Unlike Canada, it is almost impossible to find an outlet on the outside of a building or a public place. I wonder why, for both countries, really. I also found it hilarious that in the heart of Tokyo, the city that a lot of Westerners consider the world capital of technology and fashion and whatever, the first sign I saw was "I Love New York".
バスの小さすぎる席で半分ぐらい寝られた夜が過ごしてから東京に到着した。皇居に行くまでに膝電（新作語！ラップ（膝）トップ（上）のコンピューター（電脳）＝膝上電脳＝膝電（ひざでん）！どう思う？）でシンプソンズを 見る為にコンセント（なんでコンセントという？和製の「concentric+plug」だが電器接続具とあまり関係ないでしょう？電接か接電はどう思 う？）を地下商店街で探しに言った。皇居は九時半まで開いてなかったので時間を過ごす為に膝電を持って来た。東京駅の近くの商店街で誰も近くに居なかった 電説を見つけて8時ぐらいまで番組を見た。カナダなら建物の外壁でよく電接が見つかれるけど日本はあまりないね。両国にとってどうしてかな。あ、そして西 洋人が世界の技術と流行の首都だと思っている東京の中心で「ニューヨークを愛している」の看板を見ると皮肉的に面白いと思う。

Homeless ... uh, long hair, so maybe woman? In the front foyer of Tokyo Station.
無宿の・・・えーと、長い髪の毛だから、女の人？東京駅の入口で。

I finally got up and went outside the station to try and find my way to the Emperor's palace. The flags were out in full force, sort of.
ついに駅を出て皇居を探しに行った。国旗が全力で出ているそうだった（ま、少しだけかな）。

A lot of people were lined up. This was at around 7:30 AM. Good thing I came early! On my way to the lineup a weird old guy came up beside me and asked me (in English) where I was from. I replied 'Canada' to which he said 'may Canada be blessed with peace'. Surprised, I said 'May Japan also be blessed with peace'. Strange. Was he sincere? I wonder what would have happened if I had said 'China' or 'Korea'.
大 勢が並んでいた。これは七時半ぐらいだった。早く来ると良かった！行きながら変なおじいさんが傍に来て英語で「どちらから来ましたか」と尋ねた。「カナ ダ」と返事した。それで彼が「カナダが平和に恵まれるように」と言った。ちょっとびっくりしたが、「日本も平和に恵まれるように」と言った。変だな。彼は 真剣だったかな？「カナダ」の代わりに「中国」か「韓国」と答えたらどのように起こるかな？

There were lots of uniformed police and secret police in the crowd too. Here a staff member hands out Japanese flags to all of us so we can wave and go nuts.
制服を着ている警察と大勢の中にいる秘密警察も居た。ここで職員が朕等に爆挨拶ができるように小さな国旗を出してくれる。

By chance I met two Korean university students majoring in Chinese who had come from Inchon to see Tokyo and the Emperor. They weren't especially happy about waving the Hinomaru, but I told them hey, it could be worse, it could be the Rising Sun with Rays, the one on my sidebar.
偶然的に二人の仁川（インチョン）から東京を見に来た中国学専攻の韓国人の女子大生に会った。別に日の丸を持つはそんな興奮してなかった（皮肉）けど、朕が「ま、旭日旗よりいいんでしょう？」と言って彼女達が同意した。

I then suggested that maybe the flag would look better with a sakura leaf in the middle.
「日の丸より桜の丸はいいかな」と提議した。

Or maybe this one.
これはどう？

After passing through police, metal detectors, a long wait in line and many jokes about what kind of cake the Emperor eats on his birthday, the gates to the Imperial Palace opened and we began to file in. In front of us was a man with long hair, a trench coat that just covered his ass, and pantyhose. In my conversation with the Korean girls which consisted of simple English and Mandarin, we dubbed him to be 'unique' or 'qiguai', which just means 'weird'. One of the girls then said that her friend loved qiguai people.
金属探知機を持っている警察に検査されて、並 びながら天皇が誕生日でどんなケーキを食べるのが好きな冗談を言ってから、皇居の門が開いた、そして朕等が段々進んだ。朕等の前に長くて黒い髪の毛、お尻 を少し隠すコート、そしてパンティ・ストッキングを履いている男性が居た。朕と韓国人の女性の会話は簡単な英語と中国語だったので、彼の事について英語の 「ユニーク」と中国語の「チグヮイ」（奇怪）を使った。それから一人の女性が友達は奇怪な人が好きって言った。

A nice view of the bridge.
いい橋の風景～

Getting closer ...
段々進む！

Ooo! Nice lamp!
あら、いい電灯だ！

The Imperial Guard stands ready.
天皇護兵隊が守る。

My first view of the Inner Castle.
皇居の内の最初に見た所。

Looking back to public Tokyo, I see a LOT of people have turned up. I read on the Net that there would be only about 2000 people but I later read in the paper that around 14 000 turned up.
後ろの公東京を見て本当に大勢が来たと認めた。インターネットで二千人しか来ないと期待するべきだと読んだが後新聞で一万四千人ぐらいが来たと読んだ。

Almost there ...
もうすぐ・・・

Ok, we're here. Now what?
よーし、着いた！・・・今からどうする？

This guy wishes he was out of the sun.
太陽から影に移動したがる天皇護兵隊。

The Changing of the Guard!
護兵隊代替！

And out they come!
よし、出てきた！

The crowd erupted into flag-waving madness with cheers of 'Tennou-Heika, Banzai!' or '(May) the Emperor (live for) ten thousand years!' I like the look on the guard's face on the right. 'What the fuck is wrong with these people!' After waving for a minute or two, the Emperor made his 'Shut up, I want to talk' face. He then spoke about all the snow Japan was getting this year, that he worried about the people very much, and he hoped all of us took care of our health. What a nice guy (seriously).
皆 が狂って旗を振って「天皇陛下万歳！」と叫んだ。右側にいる警備さんの顔が好きだ。「この庶民に何で興奮してるかい？」。手を一分ぐらい振ってから、天皇 が「口を閉め、もう話すよ」の顔を作った。それから天皇が今年の日本で雪が一杯降っている事について発表した、そして在日本の皆について心配していたの で、健康と体を大事にしてって言った。天皇は優しいな！（皮肉無し）

A wider view. This picture was taken with my phone.
もっと広い写真・・・この写真は携帯で撮られた。

As one Japanese passer-by remarked, 'This is real international exchange'.
日本人の傍観者が言った通り、「これは本当の国際交流だ」。

Upon leaving the castle grounds I got a shot of this building. Watchtower, perhaps?
皇居を出るとこの城の分の写真を撮った。監視塔、かな？

Here Comes Santa Claus サンタさんが来る

I was at my last school for the season the other day and they decided to have an entirely Christmas-themed lesson. To that end, they requested that I dress as Santa Claus. Now, I can get along with this. I shoved my sweater inside the red jacket thingy to give myself an added layer of fat. Oh yeah, I got the results of my medical exam back. The prognosis: perfect health except for one thing: fat! Height of 181 cm and a weighing in at 85kg. But I just need to lose 5kg to be considered 'normal' so not too bad!
先日はこの季節の最後の学校に居て、クリスマスの題で教えようと決まった。それで、朕がサンタ さんの仮装を着てと求めた。喜んで同意した。もっと太くなる 為にセーターを赤いコートに入れた。あ、違う話題だけど、健康結果をもらった。完全完璧健康だけど・・・太い！181の身長だが体重は85キロ・・・ま、 5キロだけ減ったら「普通」になるのでそんなに良くないね！

Anyway I walk into the classroom as Santa, and the first thing that happens is ... a kid jumps out of his chair and tries to kancho me! Good God, what is this world coming to when Japanese kids try to kancho Santa? Is it really necessary to impart to these kids the lesson that you should not inflict bodily harm on the guy who is bringing you presents? I told the teacher but she just got a half-embarrassed look on her face and said nothing.
サンタさんの 仮装で教室に入って最初に起こったことは・・・或る子供が椅子から飛んで朕をカンチョーしてみた。サンタをカンチョーしてみる？地球の子供達 がこんなに悪くなった？贈り物を無料で持ってきて出してあげる人を犯すなって教えるのは本当に必要ある？？？先生に教えたけどただ半分恥ずかしい顔をして 何も言わなかった・・・

While waiting for lunch, I told one teacher in the staff room what had happened and she got this shocked look on her face, like "Not only do you know what a kancho is but it's actually been done to you and it happens regularly to ALT's? My God!"
昼ごはんを待っている間に職員室でカンチョーの事を一人の先生に教えた。「カンチョーの事を知っているの上にあなたはされた事あるしよく外国語指導助手に起こると言っているんですか？嘘でしょう！」の顔をした。

So a normal reaction.　で、普通の反射。

I also took some really silly pictures of myself with my phone. Please see below.
携帯でとってもあんぽんたんな写真を撮った。どうぞご覧。






Right, enough of that.　よし、もう止めようね（へへ）。


The kids were making curry for lunch and I was lucky enough to be invited to eat with them.
今日の生徒達がカレーの昼ごはんを作って朕を招待してくれた。

I asked this kid to make a 'show me the deliciousness of the food' face and this was the result.
この子供に「カレーの美味しさを見せる顔をして」と言ってこの結果になった。

At the end of the classes in the morning the kids all gave me Christmas cards! Aww! Some kids REALLY put a lot of work into the cards. Check out the decorations glued to this one! I'm going to have to make a big certificate for each of the classes that made these for me.
朝の授業が終わってから生徒の皆が朕にクリスマス片をくれた！この片の飾り物を見て！授業の生徒達の為に大きな賞状みたいな看板を作らなくちゃと思う。

During the afternoon I had THREE classes at once, but the teachers all came along too, so thankfully we had some discipline control. My favourite teacher in the school, whom I have dubbed Mr. Lynch, regularly yells at them and is not afraid to dish out the discipline. I love the guy! I showed The Matrix Christmas video to them all too and they went nuts with laughter - except when the Grinch showed up they all said 'Yay! It's Hard Gay!'. That makes absolutely no sense.
午後は同時に三つの授業が入ったけど先生達も来てくれたので少し規律の支配ができた。朕の好きな先生も来た。彼はよく生徒に叫ぶしよく規律も出すので大好きだ！メイトリックス・クリスマス（マトリックスじゃない！カタカナの一番近い発音はメイトリックスだよ！）のビデオも見せて皆が笑いで狂っていた・・・・けど、ザ・グリンチが出る時に皆が「あはは、ハードゲイだ！」。生徒達の皆の頭は腐っているかな？

During the all-out chaos English activity (I mean there were like 90 kids in the room), one teacher (young, female, does not appear to be a disciplinarian) was attempted-kancho'ed by one of the Bad Kids. I should have picked him up and hauled his ass to the principal's office, but showing more restraint than I did last time, I simply told the teacher afterwards.
完全混乱の英語活動（教室で90人の生徒が居たよ！）で一人の先生（若い、女子、規律を使わなさそう）の尻に一人の悪童がカンチョーしてみた。彼を尻か運んで校長室に持って行くべきだったかもしれないけど、前の事件より抑制してただ後で先生に教えた。

"Oh yes," she sighed, "he's a wild boy".　
「そうだね・・・彼、本当に狂っている男子だよ」（会話は英語だった）

Don't give up!
先生、諦めないで！

It's Getting Better もっと良くなっている

So the Forget-The-Year party was a yawnfest. We did have some yakiniku and I did meet some interesting people, but the highlight of the evening was this nominally orange drink, which tasted like Pine-Sol. And no, there was no alcohol in it.
忘年会じゃなくて欠伸会だった・・・焼肉が食べられたし面白い人に会ったけど、その夜の一番興奮する時はこのみかん汁っぽいの飲み物。掃除液の味だった。いいえ、酒が入ってなかったよ。

On Sunday I met up with Liz from Higashiyama and we went to JTB to help book a flight/hotel for her Okinawa trip in March. I was ostensibly there to translate so she bought me lunch. We met up and went downtown, where through a series of events ended up taking Yuuko, the super basketball/soccer player, to lunch with us. We ate at Don, this great little ramen shop near the station. After sorting out JTB, we browsed in a pottery shop, but we also found a great little store which sells imported foodstuffs from the Phillipines - including, for some reason, chocolate milk and root beer!! I went there today and bought more ...
日曜日に東山のリズに会って三月の沖縄旅行の飛行機と旅館を予約する為にJTBに一緒に行った。通訳する為に朕を 連れて来て昼ごはんをご馳走してくれた。 会ってから駅前の町に行ってついに籠球・足球の天才のゆうことも一緒に昼ごはんを食べに行った。どんというちいちゃいラーメン屋で食べた。駅に近いし美味 しいと思うよ。JTBの事が終わってから陶芸屋でちょっと買い物したけど、本当に珍しい小さなお店を見つけた。アジア商品を輸入しているけど大体フィリピ ン製の物だ。でも、不明な理由でチョコレート牛乳とルートビアも売っている！今日も行ってもっと買った・・・

The grocery store boasts a collection of boastful apples.
大八百屋が自慢しているりんごを自慢していうる。

Chris complained that he didn't know what my apartment looked like. Well, I cleaned it, so here you are.
クリスが朕のアパートはどうか知らないと文句を言っていた。じゃ、掃除したので、どうぞご覧。

There was also a Christmas Festival this weekend and the place I do the Monday Night English at. Not much to do with Christmas, though, of course. There was Speed Kimono Wearing, featuring the lovely Aya. I also made a Christmas Quiz, with questions like "What do kids hang by the fireplace? A: Gloves B: Stockings C: Pants D: Underwear" to which one old woman actually answered D! Hahaha!
週末には朕が月曜日の夜に英会話授業をやっている建物で クリスマス祭があった。クリスマスとあまり関係なかったけどね・・・快速着物着大会で亜矢は主役で す。「贈り物をもっと貰う為に、子供達が暖炉の上に何かを掛ける。何を掛けるでしょうか？A：森　B：ストッキング（長い靴下）　C：ズボン　D:下着」 のような質問が入っている朕が作ったクリスマス・クイズを見せた。一人のおばあさんがDと答えた！いいな、このおばあさん！

And this is Tae Kwon Do merged with Tai Qi, I think, though I did not read the program very closely.
これは跆拳道と太極拳が混ざっている運動かもしれない、でも説明公告をあまり読まなかった。

Jingle Bells in Mandarin was very entertaining. After this was finished it was the English group's turn, but I put a little twist in it - I gave 'White Christmas' with the pronunciation written in katakana above the lyrics, so everyone in the audience could sing. It actually went pretty well!
北京語でのジングルベルを聞くのは楽しかった。終わってから英語部の番だった・・・でも、朕が予定をちょっと変えた！「ワイト・クリスマス」の歌詞の上にカタカナを書いて皆に出したので皆が一緒に歌えた。実は・・・上手く出来ました！

It snowed on Monday, though, so biking to school was fun. In fresh snow it's actually not too bad! The roads were very pretty as the cars hadn't gone through them yet.
月曜日は雪が降ったので学校まで自転車に乗るのは楽しかった（笑）。新しい雪なら実はそんなによくないよ！車があまり出てないので道は綺麗だった。

There was some controversy a while back in Japan when it was revealed that a whopping number of people don't pay into the pension plan. So, in the time-honoured Japanese tradition of educating the masses, there's a poster camapaign. Still, I like this one.
なんか年金を払ってない人が多いが新聞に載っていたんじゃない？皆に教え込む為に、また看板だ。まいや、実はこっちのが好きだけど・・・

Mmm boy, nothing better than kim chee, except perhaps Japanese Style kim chee! Simply remove all flavour and spiciness.
わい、キムチより美味しい物は和風キムチしかないでしょう？作る為にただ味と辛さを全部消して。

And today I got mobbed by first-graders. As usual.
今日も一年生に襲われた。普通だね・・・

Well, I got my bus ticket, I'll be going down to Tokyo on the night of the 22nd (at 11:50 pm). The 23rd is going to be a fun-filled day; see the Emperor in the Imperial Palace in the morning, go to Yasukuni Museum in the afternoon, and see the Yamato movie in the evening! All by my damn self because everyone has pretty much gone home or is working.
よし、バスの旅行券を買った！２２日の夜は東京に行く。２３日は楽しくなると思う；朝は皇居で天皇陛下に会った、午後は靖国博物館を見て、そして夕方は男達の大和を見る！殆ど皆がもう帰国したか働いているので一人で行っちゃうけど・・・

Art 美術

Today I went out to the dollar store to get some giant envelopes to send stuff to Canada. I happened upon some artwork that I swore I had seen before on candy as Koume and loved the artwork enough to set it as my screen background for a while, but I didn't know who had done it. Now I do, a man by the name of Hayashi Seiichi. It's a blend of traditional and modern style and it is awesome - finally, Japanese artwork that LOOKS JAPANESE.
今日は百円店に行ってカナダに送る為に十分大きな封筒を探していた。それで、小梅という飴の袋で確かに見たことあると思っていた（実は、電脳の壁紙は彼女の絵だった）が、誰が描いたか全然知らなかった。今は知っているー林静一という男の方。伝統と現代の式を混合して素晴らしくなる。やった、日本っぽいの日本美術！

I also found a page with the same hybrid style for Chinese artwork, called gongbi. I think I'll use it in a China introduction presentation for my schools. I showed that famous "world at night" picture and most kids said "China!" when I pointed to Korea, so I think a little education is in order.
同じ式の中国美術のページ工笔画（ゴンビ）という絵のページを見つけた。なんか学校で中国を紹介しようと思っているのでその絵を使おうかな。その有名な「地球の夜」の写真を見せて韓国を指すと生徒の皆「中国！」と答えたのでちょっと教育させなくちゃかな。

A Good Day at School 学校で良い日

I saw this in the store yesterday. Pooh curry. It's beef, by the way.
カナダ人の目でこれは珍しいよ。プーカレー・・・熊肉じゃないね。

But anyway, I had a great day at school today and yesterday. There are a quite a few international - and by that I mean they live in Japan but are not Japanese and thus must start learning hiragana from zero - students. I made hiragana bingo and kanji bingo for their instructor, and I dug up the link to the Ultimate Kana Challenge. Here we see two teachers competing for the high score.
とりあえず今日と昨日もは学校で素晴らしかった。色んな国際（そして「国際」というと日本で住んでいるけど日本人じゃないから零から平仮名を勉強しはじめなくちゃ）生徒がいるので、担当者の為に朕が平仮名ビンゴと漢字ビンゴを作りましたし、最高仮名挑戦のリンクを探した。ここで競争している二人の先生が見える。

The school I was at today has a small hill that has frozen, meaning we all had great fun sliding down it. It was the most fun I've had in a long time as I usually dragged a dozen or so kids with me. Man, why couldn't lunch break be extended past the usual half hour today?
今日の学校は凍っている小坂があるので凄く楽しくてお滑りをした。そんなに楽しい遊びは本当に強い久しぶりな感じがあった。朕が滑ると子供を１０人ぐらい連れていった。なんで今日の昼休みが延長してなかったの？！？

The classroom I used doubles as a studio. Man, I've said it before, but I'll say it again - these schools have more AV budgets than do entire Canadian school boards. And they hardly ever use them!
今日使った教室は劇室も。前に言ったけど、もう一回言う：日本の学校は普通のカナダの教育委員会よりビデオ予算が大きい！でもあまり使わなさそう！

One of the activities today was to divide the class and put all the letters in alphabetical order. They had tremendous fun. All in all today was a big success. Off to the Forget-The-Year party now ...
今日の活動で授業の生徒を分けて、二つの組でどっちが字を全部順番的に直せるかの大会をした。とっても楽しかった。じゃ、今からは忘年会に行く・・・

On a lighter note, some funny shit もっと軽い話題で面白い糞

Since my apartment is for unknown reasons not connected to a sewer, I (that is, my supervisor) called the poo truck (thank you Sarah) to vacuum out the tank. A few days later I got the bill for 4000 yen, which is what I expected.
天照しか知らない理由のせいで朕のアパートは下水道と直接してないので、担当者に教えて糞車（ふんしゃ！）に連絡した。タンクを掃除してから４千円（その通りを期待していた）の振込みを払わなくちゃ。

It says they sucked 560L of waste from the tank.
タンクから５６０Lを吸ったって書いてある。

Wow. In just four months I can process about 600L of crap. Cool.
うわ。四ヶ月の間に朕は糞尿が処理できる。すごいね。

I made a hilarious mistake in Japanese the other day. I told one of my friends that I used to do an easy security job for one summer in my hometown.
先日は凄く面白い日本語の間違えをした。友達に出身で警備のバイトをしたっていってみた。

I told her I did a lot of koubi.
「バイトはこうびだった」

This is not the correct word for "security". What I meant to say was keibi.
これはもちろん警備の発音じゃない。けいびとこうびの間違えをした。

So instead of "My part time job for the summer was doing security", I said "My ｐart time job for the summer was engaging in rampant copulation".
「僕の夏バイトは警備をする事だった」の変わりに、「僕の夏バイトは交尾をする事だった」といった。

The Next Kid Who Kancho's Me Will Be Blasted to the Moon 次の朕を浣腸する男児っ垂は月まで撃つ

I had a semi-good morning that was unfortunately marred by two incidents.
今朝は半分ぐらいよかったけど二つの悪い事件がった。

First, I have gotten used to the kancho'ing. By that I mean I no longer scream with horror like I did on exchange. Now I just grab the offender's hand, push, and tell him to stop. It doesn't work, but usually the kid is only playing anyway, so I let it slide.
まず、カンチョーされるのは慣れた。ということは、留学中のようにもうひどく叫ばない。今はただ犯人の手をつかんで押してやめなさいという。有効はあまりないけど子供はただ遊んでいるので大体気にしない。

Not today. The little bugger got a direct hit on me, and after I grabbed him and said, if he does it again, he will die, he happily said that he wanted to die if it meant kancho'ing me. This is the end. The next kid (by which I mean boy because girls don't do this) that pokes at my ass will be slapped in the face so hard Emperor Akihito will lean out of the Imperial Palace in Tokyo and say 'WTF wuz that?' and then go back to playing Counterstrike against Hu Jintao.
でも今日は違う。男児っ垂がよく撃った。彼をつかんで「もう一回すると殺されるよ」といったけどただ「殺されていい！」と答えた。これは最後だ。次の朕の 尻を打つ男児（女子がしないよ）が朕にそんなに強くて撃たれて平成天皇が東京の皇居で聴こえて「なんじゃったそりゃ？」と言う。それからは胡錦濤とのカウンターストライクの大会を続ける。

I think I'm going to have to hold an assembly to explain this to everyone. Now, to anyone who complains that kancho'ing is part of Japanese culture and I should live with it, first, fuck you, and second, the other teachers don't get kancho'ed. While I enjoy playing with the kids, I realize I must become my sixth-grade teacher, Mr. Lynch, if I am ever to command respect. Therefore death is imminent for some grade school kids.
多分朝会をして皆に説明しなくちゃかもしれない。あ、もし誰かが「これは日本の文化だよ、我慢しなくちゃよ」といえば、一、てめぇは糞っ垂、二、他の先生 はカンチョーされていないよ！子供達と遊んでいるのが好きだけど、やっぱり尊敬されてほしかったら自分の厳しい六年生のリンチュー先生みたい怖くならなく ちゃかな。それで或る小学生に死神がそろそろ来るぜ。

The second downer of the day was when I had lunch in the classroom. We had a good lunch, even though the one piece of gyouza was cold, and I sat next to the hyperactive kid. It's true, isn't it - the students with the worst personalities are the ones who pick up English the fastest. It must have something to do with the way the brain is wired to get what one desires. Anyway, said kid and another kid were doing extreme bullying on one boy - I'm talking constant making fun of his name, telling him to die, giving the finger, etc. The teacher either did not see (possible, especially in a large class such as this) or was unable to discipline them.
二番目の悪い事件は給食中だった。餃子は冷たかったのに美味しかった、そして朕が速度過敏の男子の隣で座っていた。本当だね・・・最悪な性格ならすぐ英語 を習う。なんか欲しい物を指す脳味噌の中で関係あるかな。とにかく、この子ともう一人の男児が或る男子を物凄くいじめていた。止まらない名前を馬鹿にす る、死ねと言っている、中指を示す、等。生徒が多かったから先生が見えなかった、それとも、規律できなかった。

I told one kid to shut up, but he ignored me. I then laughed and said his nose was big and his ass was showing. The other kids in the room laughed at him, and he turned red and told me to shut up. Aha, I said, you don't like it when you're made fun of by someone with more power, do you? So leave the other kid alone. This worked for about five seconds before he continued to make life hell for the other kid.
一人の生徒に口を閉めといったけど無視した。朕がそれから笑って彼の鼻が大きいし尻が出ているといった。彼がすぐ「うるさい！！」と叫んだ。「あは、」朕がいった、「馬鹿にされているのが好くじゃないね！だからやめなさい！」。又その男子の命を地獄にする前にこれは五秒ぐらい有効あった。

After a constant lunch period of this, the bullied kid finally said something like 'shut up' to his oppressors, causing hyperactive kid to jump out of his chair, run over and punch the bullied kid in the head. Just like what happened with the first grader at the School of No Discipline, I exploded.
給食時間ではこればかりだった。結局いじめられている男子が「うるさいな」とかといったけど、過敏男児が椅子から飛んで男子まで走って彼の頭を打った。規律なし小学校の一年生に起こった事件のように、朕が爆発した。

I jumped out of my chair and separated the two, shoved them both down, and screamed at them. We're talking next two classrooms over hearing. I basically said that if you hated each other that much, then ignore each other. If I ever saw anyone hit anyone again, I would never come back to this class. I told them that bullying causes suicide and murder. If I saw anyone being bullied, then I would unleash hell. I then punched the wall hard enough to panic the kids in the next room and said that if they enjoyed hurting other kids with words, then they were going to be hurt by my fist.
朕が椅子から飛んであの二人を分けて、椅子に座らせて、叫んだ。隣の隣の教室で朕の声が聞こえた叫びだった。基本的には、互いがそんなに嫌いなら、互いを 無視してといった。誰かを打つのを二度みたらもうこの授業に来ないっていった。いじめは自殺と殺人の原因だと述べた。朕がいじめを見たら、地獄の束縛を解 くと約束した。それからは隣の教室の子供達をぎょっとさせるほど壁を打って、言葉で他人を傷つけるのが好きなれば、今度は朕の拳に傷つけられるようにな る。

Scare tactics, of course. But the old samurai toughness works, sometimes. Hopefully we can all get along like poor court nobles.
怖い作戦だけだよ、勿論。でも武道の強さをたまに見せるのは有効だと思う。皆が公家みたいに仲良しになれると望むけどさ。

But I will toss the next kid who bullies or attempts to kancho me out the window.
しかし、次のいじめをする生徒か朕をカンチョーしてみる生徒を窓から投げるよ。

The Descent of Winter 冬の降下

The snow continues to fall in Ichinoseki. Last week, partly due to my head still not fully recovered from my illness, I went to the wrong school. Thankfully the staff kindly pointed out my mistake and I went to the correct school by taxi, but unfortunately I made a class of fifth-graders wait until I showed up. At least it's never happened before, right? Right? Uh ... Well anyway I managed to get this great shot from the hills.
一関で雪がまだ降ってゐる。多分頭がまだ病気から治ってなかったので先週は間違え學校に行ってしまっ た。職員達が優しく朕の間違えをすぐ指したけどさ。其 れからは速くタクシーで正しい學校に行ったけど、五年生の生達を待たせてしまった。ま、初めてだったから大丈夫でしょう？でしょう？えーと・・・まいや、 岡からこの素晴らしい写真が撮れた。

Heh, even the spider webs had frost on them!
はは、蜘蛛の巣も霜が掛かってあった！

As you may or may not know, there have been a LOT of child killings in Japan over the past few weeks. Little girl strangled, little girl stabbed, little girl stabbed by own teacher. I believe this has something to do with the tradition of making kids walk to school. I'm talking about making a 6 year old girl walk 40 minutes through snow-covered mountain roads to get home. The Japanese, or rather the social system, believes that this makes kids tough. As we see, in practical terms it makes kids dead. At least they are recognizing the problem, as we see in this poster warning kids to basically not believe any of the stuff people may make up to kidnap them.
皆が知っているかどうか分からぬけ ど、最近は日本で子供殺しの事件がイッパイ起こった。女子絞殺、女子刺殺、自分の先生に女子刺殺。此れは學校まで子供を 歩かせる習慣と関係あると思ふ。朕は雪一杯降った山路で六歳の女子を卌分位歩かせる習慣について話してゐる。日本人、即ち日本の社会制度が、この制度で子 供達が強くなると信ず。実際は死体に成るそうです。でも、問題を認めると嬉しいどす。この看板をご覧下さい。誘拐する為に其々な犯人の嘘を信じない様に注 意をしなさい事が書いてある。

At one of my schools I was meeting the second graders for the first time, so I revved up my Canada presentation and showed the flag. The thing that most impressed them was the picture of the beaver.
或る学校で初めて二年生に会ったので、カナダの画像発表を準備して国旗を示した。でも、一番感心された時はビーバーの写真を見る事だ。

On the weekend there was an event called, basically, "Let's Be Friendly With Foreigners", part of a campaign by the educated elite to impart the message that the foreign community is not a pack of raving wild dogs. Part of it included the mandatory Dress Them In Kimono part, although these two manage to pull it off rather well, don't you think?
外国人が狂っている犬ではない情報を広げる為に一関市の教育された精鋭者が週末は「外国人と仲良しになろう」みたいな会を組織した。一つの分は強制的な「着物を着させる」だったが、この二人が上手く出来たでしょうね。

The highlight of the day was making mochi, of course. It's sooo gooood ... One interesting thing we learned is that the hollowed out tree stump that you use to pound the mochi in is written the way it looks - 臼. Variants of this can be found in characters like 兒 (traditional variant of 児, child, which is a head on legs). It's also the basis for the traditional form of 学, learn, which is 學. On the top we have 臼 with X's in it representing knowledge, and on the bottom we have 子, child. Like making mochi, learning consists of pounding knowledge into children's heads.
今日の呼び物は勿論餅つきだった！うま～い！面白い習った事はうすの字はうすみたいの形：臼。この部首は児の旧字の兒で見える。学の 旧字の學の基準も入っ ている。上は子供の頭を指している臼、そして知識事はXに代表されている。下に子がある。餅つきみたいに学びは子供の頭に知識を猛攻撃する事と一緒。

Do not let the older men near the 臼。I have a video of it that I will post as soon as I figure out how.
年上の男性の方は臼に来るのは許さぬ！ビデオがあるけどどうやって見せるかわからん。

We were also treated to a shamisen performance. I wonder if anyone bothers to write modern songs that people will like using these. Probably not.
三味線の演奏を聴いていただいた。三味線を使って誰かが現代曲みたいな歌を書いているかな？多分やってないね。

It snowed again on the weekend and as I made my way to the Board on Monday I was treated to blowing snow. Didn't stop some girls from not wearing anything under their skirt except underwear, though. Now, some schools forbid the girls from wearing anything but a skirt in the dead of winter, because they are Uniform Nazis. I don't have a school like that as I teach elementary and we are allowed to put on snow pants and go jump in the snow. But if I did have say a junior high school then I would wear shorts every day in protest. Or a kilt. A kilt would be nice, actually, but it would defeat the purpose of protesting because kilts are warm and heavy.
週末は雪が又降った。月曜日は教育委員会に行く時、超寒い温度だったのにスカートの下に下着 しか履いていない女子学生を見た。彼女は馬鹿わけないけど；或 る学校の職員は制服ナチスだから女子学生はスカート以外を着るを禁ず。朕が小学校で教えるのでそんな学校に居ない。朕は生徒と一緒に雪ズボンに入って雪で 遊べる。但し、もしスカート以外禁止の厳しい学校に行ったら、抵抗する為に毎日ショートパンツに入る。それともキルト。キルトならいいな・・・でも、重くて暖かいから目的を無効するね。

Here is a picture of the snow-covered rocks of the rapids of Genbikei, from way upstream. It's quite the tourist attraction when the weather is warm. I need to take a better camera though; the keitai just doesn't cut it. Someone should Hokusai this picture though (new verb!).
雪が立つ厳美渓の岩の写真だ（川上から撮った）。天気が暖かいと観光者が一杯来る。携帯で撮るのは満足できない；もっといいカメラを持っていかなくちゃ。誰かがこの写真を北斎してくれる？わ～い、新しい動詞！

Ask dusk fell, I waited on the road for the bus.
段々宵に成った。朕は、田舎の路でバスに待っていた。

Across the road the bus stop was gradually covered with more snow.
向こう側にバス停留所が雪に隠れた。

Mailed a letter this morning. < calvin> Bugs are dying by the truckload! Hahaha, good riddance to them all!< /calvin>.
今朝は手紙を送った。< calvin>虫殺しだ！あはは、さよなら！！< /calvin>

In anticipation of my Hong Kong trip next month, I have bought a practice book. It's good and has a CD included so I can pronounce words correctly, but it's a bit lacking in grammar explanations, and the Hong Kong/Canton only characters are throwing my head for a loop. At least now I know where the hell the word 'yumcha' comes from - it means 'drink tea' and is apparantly used as a normal greeting.
来月は香港に行くので、練習本を買った。CDが付いているから正しく発音が繰り返せるけど、文法の説明はあまりないし香港・広東だけで使う漢字はちょっと分かりにくいな。まいや、ヤムチャ（飲茶）の意味が結局分かるようになってよかった。

Oh yeah, and I checked out Environment Canada to see what the temperature was like in my home town. The Ichinoseki people are complaining that the temperature is reaching -8. Ahahaha, fools!
あ、そしてカナダ環境局のサイトを調べて出身の温度を見た。こっちの温度が－８°になっているので一関の市民が文句と言っている。あははは、何を考えている、庶民？

And here's our new winter banner.
そして我々の新しい冬の長看板だ。

Party and the Stomach Virus of Death 飲み会と死神の胃腸ばい菌

I've decided that I want to finish up my study of all the damn Joyo Kanji by next summer. Sure, I could wait until December to pass Level One of the JLPT, but I want it out of the way - it's been a pet project of mine ever since I found out there was a list of kanji that all Japanese people learned in school. It's Heisig Method time! I'm doing 4 a day from my wonderful Kanji Learner's Dictionary, but as I don't know how many I have left out of the 1945, whether I will make it by summer is unknown. I estimate that I know 1300 characters at the moment in Japanese, plus another hundred or so Chinese simplified and prewar variants. Which don't count.
来年の夏までは常用漢 字ったれの字ずつの意味を全部覚えたいと決めた。日本語能力試験１級を合格する為に走師まで待てるけどもういいから・・・日本人が学校で習う漢字表がある と知るから全部を勉強する計画があったよ。ヘイシッグ式万歳！朕の大事な漢英学習字典から毎日四つを勉強しているけど、常用漢字の１９４５字からの残りは 不明なので夏までに間に合えるかどうか分からない。今は日本語で１３００字ぐらいは分かると思うし、中国語の簡体字と戦前の異体字も百ぐらい知っているか な。

On Friday night we all went out to an izakaya downtown. By the time everyone arrived there were about 10 of us. Omar, of course, went straight for the ladies. Here he prepares a back attack.
金曜日の夜は大町の居酒屋に行った。皆が集まってから１０人ぐらいになったかな。オーマーはもちろん早く女性を気に入った。こちらで後ろから襲い始める。

Targets change quickly though, provoking delightedness and utter jealousy in this example.
的がすぐ変わるので、こちらの例で喜びの感じとやきもちの感じがよく見えます。

Omar picks up the tab. Where do his funds come from?
オーマーが払ってくれる。彼の金の貯蔵はどこから来るかな？

The answer is, of course, secret karaoke contests. A bit grainy, but you can still see the look of utter concentration on Omar's face as he contemplates his next move.
答えは、もちろん、秘密カラオケ大会だ。写真があまり撮れなかったの失礼した。但し、次の作戦を考えているオーマーの集中の顔がまだ見える。

All right, enough picking on the poor guy. After finishing up karaoke at around 3 am, we all went home. I woke up to ... snow!
もうオーマーに悪い言葉（全部は冗談だよ！）を言い過ぎたので他の話題を紹介する。カラオケは３時ぐらい終わった。それで皆が帰った（ありがとう亜矢！）。起きる時は雪を見た！

Lots of it, too! I was quite happy. Around lunch I made some yakisoba and then, having eaten too much, took a nap. When I woke up, my stomach felt ill. I tried to watch a movie, but I couldn't concentrate because of my stomach. So I thought, well, perhaps the alcohol from the night before got lost in my bloodstream and wants to come out now. I made my way over to the sink and threw up, thinking I would feel better.
一杯降ったね！実は嬉しかったよ。昼ごはんは焼きそばだった、そしてそれからはちょっと寝た。起きる時は腹が気持ち悪かった。映画を見てみたが、腹のせい で集中できなかった。まいや、昨晩の酒が脈で迷ってたから今までは出たくなかったかなと思って洗面台に言って吐いた。気持ちよくなるかなと思っていたから さ。

Well, I did feel better, for about two minutes. Then I threw up again, and the pain in my stomach worsened. I drank some juice. I threw that up. I drank tea. Tea, for God's sake! The worst was the apple juice. Ever throw up 500ml of cold apple juice? It's not pleasant. And I'm not even going to talk about the toilet. Let's just say whatever I drank that managed to make it through my gag reflex quickly left my body anyway.
少 し気持ちよくなったけど、２分ぐらいの間だけだった。それからまた吐いて腹がもっと痛くなった。果物汁をちょっと飲んだ。吐いた。お茶を飲んだ。お茶だけ だったよ！！最低はりんご汁だったけどさ。りんご汁を５００ｍｌ吐いた事ある？気持ちよくないよ。そして便所については話さない。只・・・吐かない汁が他 の所から朕の体から出た。

So, it was almost 1 AM, I couldn't eat or drink and was in horrible stomach pain. I decided to go to the hospital. The doctor and nurses were all very nice and, well, motherly. I stayed the night and got a water IV since I was feeling dehydrated and couldn't keep water down. I got medicine and went home the next day, though I was still sick enough to throw up as soon as I walked in the door of my apartment.
も う夜１時ぐらいだったし、食べられなかったし飲めなかったし腹はすごく痛かった。病院に行くと決めた。医者さんと看護婦は大変優しかった・・・お母さんっ ぽい？入院してから一泊泊まって、まだ水が飲めなかったので水分の点滴をもらった。薬をもらって午後はうちに帰った（ありがとう、禎子！）けど、帰ったば かりはまた洗面台に吐いた。いいね。

Then two women from my English class came over and not only brought me a hot ginger drink that made me feel better, but also cleaned my apartment and tucked me into bed. By strange coincidence, one of them is the exact same age as my mom, and has a son my age away in Saitama. I think that's one contributing reason.
それから朕の英会話から二人のお嬢様が来て腹の痛みを消す生姜の飲み物を作ってくれた。それ以上はお布団を設定してくれてアパートを掃除してくれた！！ご めんなさい！！！変な偶然だけど、一人は自分のお母さんと同年だし、朕と同年の息子が居るそうだ。それは、世話してくれるの理由の一つだと思う。

By the way, I'm making plans to go to Hong Kong in January. Already got my 'Cantonese for Beginners' book ... Chris, you just wait!
ところで１月は香港に行こうと思っている。もう「はじめての広東語」の本を買った・・・クリス、待ちやがれ！！

Beware of AUM Shinrikyo オウム真理教にご注意下さい

The Japanese police seem to be in a perennial state of pissed-off that they can't find these three Aum members. I wonder if they've gone to North Korea? This was in the entrance to the big store I live by.
日本の警察はこのオウム員が見つかれないと永続的に立腹な状況を示している。北朝鮮に行ったかな？朕が隣に住んでいる店の入口でおした。

I have no idea why, but one of my schools has dressed-up skeletons on display.
理由は全然分からないけど、学校の一軒は仮装している骸骨を示している。

The last 2 days of the month are 5% off day at the store if you have the correct credit card (which I do), so I save my shopping until that time. I bought enough food to last until January! It was way too much to pack in bags, so I just lifted the whole cart up the stairs to my apartment.
月末の最後の二日間は正しいクレジットカードを持っていたら（朕は持っているよ！）５％割引がもらえる。その理由で朕は月末まで買い物するのを我慢する。睦月まで食べ物を買ったぞ！袋に入れるのは大変すぎるのだったから籠を全部朕の２階におすアパートに持って来た。

I found an interesting poster at a school the other day. Apparently the way to counter AIDS is with air and salt water chlorine. WTF? By the way, there was no info on AIDS being an STD, either.
おす学校で面白い看板を見た。エイズを殺す方法は空気と塩素そうだ。なに、このばか情報？？あ、ところで、エイズは性病だって書いておす情報はなかった（日本語版の百科辞典でもあまり書いてないし！）。

Yet Another Giant Shrine 又大神社に参った

Coming back from the new school, I took an alternate route - the aforementioned Secret Path that significantly reduces the amount of energy I must expend going up and down hills. I found a picture-perfect depiction of the 'Asian image' - quiet, cramped houses with just enough room to walk between them.
新しい学校から戻りながら、他の道を使った（前に述べた「秘密の路」）ので坂上りと坂下がりで使わなくちゃ力を減った（普通より使わなかったという意味）。それで、完璧な「アジア街の理想」の写真が撮れた；静かで窮屈の歩道の空しかない家。

And one of the houses was, for some reason, keeping birds. To eat? I guess so ...
或る家で鳥が飼われていた。食べ物に成る為？そうかな・・・

Mountains seem to attract religous followers. This road leads to a Nichiren Buddhist temple.
山が宗教者を魅惑するそうだ。この路は日蓮仏教の寺に着く。

I came to a shrine (surprise!) that I usually pass by when I ride the bus. It's called Haishiwa (although the bus announcement sure as hell sounds like Hashiwa). The kanji for it seems to be picked at random just for pronunciation, and according to what information I've found the shrine has been there in one shape or form for at least a thousand years or so, from the end of the Heian period. As such there are giant trees. Yay!
バスに乗る時によく見る神社に行った（誰かびっくりしたか？）。配志和（はいしわ、しかしバスの公告の発音はもっとはしわ みたい）神社と呼ぶ。漢字は当て 字っぽいけど、朕が神社で見た情報によって平安時代の末からこの場所に在ったそうだ。それででかい木が植えている。やった！

One outer mini-shrine had some latticework so I attempted to shove my camera in and take a picture. Surprisingly it came out! Look at all the weapons!
一つの小神社は格子造りがあったのでカメラを入れてみて写真を撮った。万が一撮れた！武器をご覧！

According to the sign the shrine is dedicated to the "Relics of the Three Great Treasures". I assume they refer to the Imperial Regalia of sword, jewel, and mirror.
神社の看板によって三つの宝を奉納している。これは三種の神器についてと想定する。

Time to go up! According to the sign, it's a good spot for moon-viewing.
階段を上ろう！柱によって月見をするの良い場所だ。

Oh shit. Farther up than I thought.
くそったれ・・・思ったより遠い。

About halfway up I found a weird mini-shrine with small shoes tied to it. The red slipper just reminded me of a scene in Raise the Red Lantern when the girl peeks into the execution room.
半分ぐらい上ってから靴が付いてある変な小神社を見つけた。赤い靴がまるで大红灯笼高高挂という有名な中国の映画の女優が死刑室を覗くシーンみたかった。

Another god-village.
他の神の村。

Finding a lone shoe after seeing the mini-shrine was downright creepy.
小神社を見てから人跡まれな靴を見つけるのは本当に怖かった。

Nearing the top of the stairs, the roof of the shrine loomed large before me ... it was huge.
階段頂に段々着くと、神社の屋根が目の前にぼんやりと現れた。でかい。

What really interested me though were the small shrines off to the side. The X pattern of the roof is a very old style, reminiscent of Ise Grand Shrine.
朕に一番面白い所は隣の小神社だったけどさ。屋根のX模範はとても古い流だし、伊勢神宮を思わせる。

A stone dog guarding the entrance.
入口を守っている狛犬。

A view of the whole shrine. Those trees are huge by the way.
神社の全部を現せる写真。木はでかいよ。

Oops. A long way down ...
あら・・・下がりは大変かな・・・

Goodbye Brock ブロックへさよなら

Well, since I'm no longer a Brock University student, my account is being deleted ... which means goodbye webspace. So I'm posting the banner and profile picture here because I'm too lazy to search through my documents and find out what my Japanese web address is.
もうブロック大學の学生じゃないから、朕の口座はそろそろ消されちゃう。それで、空へさよなら・・・日本の空にどうやって情報を送るの書類を見つける気がないのでここで横看板と自分の絵もここで添付する。

Ghost Castle 幽霊の城

I was having an online conversation about Unit 731 when I heard loudspeakers and what seemed to be marching music from outside my window. Jumping at the chance to see a right-wing group in action, I hopped on my bike and attempted to follow the source of the noise. My journey took me along paths through groves and rice fields, rivers and ... uh, well, that's pretty much it. On the way back, I saw a housing project being advertised as an English Country Home. Didn't see any thatched roofs or stonework that is my image of a cottage out in the middle of Manchester, though.
ネット会話で731部隊に ついての話をしながらアパートの外から拡声器と軍隊っぽい音楽を聴いた。右派隊を見る機会かなと思ってたので速く自転車に乗って音の源を探してみた。朕が 旅で森と田圃、川と・・・えーと、それだけぐらいを見た。帰る時は「英国の田舎の家」で広告されている建て場所を見た。朕の理想でマンチェスター州の中に 在るわらぶきの屋根か石造物の別荘を見なかったけどさ。

Had a new school the other day. I like new schools because I don't have to do any real work; just show my Canada presentation and run around in the gym, and that's it. It does give me a chance to bond with the staff, though. It seems kind of laid-back here, but I guess that's because I am not here all day, just in the morning. Kids are great, though. The school is kind of far from my house, and on a hill, so it was kind of hard to bike there before I discovered the Secret Path.
先 日は朕が新しい学校に行った。本物の仕事はしないから新しい学校が好き；ただ着いてカ ナダの発表をして体育館で走る。但し、職員と仲良しに成れるけど さ。あそこはちょっと落ち着いている雰囲気だったけど、朝だけは居るのでそれを感じたかな。子供達は素晴らしい。学校は朕の内からちょっと遠いし坂上に在 るので自転車で来るのは「秘密の路」を見つける前にちょっと疲れる。

The school is beside a temple. Which has an awesome graveyard. How cool is that?
学校は寺の隣で在る。素敵な墓場もある。格好良いんじゃない？

A view of the temple beside the school. It's a Tendai temple, if that has any meaning to anyone.
学校の隣の寺。誰かが興味あれば天台宗だ。

After my work was done, I saw this sign saying that there had been a castle on top of the mountain. You know that I had to check this out.
仕事が終わってから山の上に城跡はあるそうだの看板を読んだ。勿論上らなくちゃならなかった。

Up this mountain. Well, off I went!
この山の上にあるそうだった。よーし、行くぜ！

A modern Japanese-style family grave, of the Miura family.
現代日本式の家族墓（三浦家）。

On my left, there was a Prefectural Protected Forest. I know because of the sign. Is the castle in there?
左側に県立保安森がある。看板が見えるから分かる。城はその中に？

I was really enjoying the heavy forest atmosphere when I saw the bane of the Japanese countryside: a construction sign. I mean, fuck. It's the middle of freaking nowhere, on an overgrown mountain! You've got to be kidding!
深い森の雰囲気を楽しんでいたが、日本の風景の破滅の元を見た；工事の看板。くそったれめ、生い茂る山の何もない場所にあるんじゃない？嘘でしょう！

Then I saw the sign. Actually, I'm happy that Japan is posting the numbers about public projects now. Still, ￥42840000 (think $428 400) for a landslide control project? There are so many trees that a landslide would only occur if Raijin the Storm God blasted the mountain repeatedly with lightning and then rained for six weeks on it.
それからこの看板を見た。実は日本が公衆工事実施の予算を告げているから嬉しいよ。でも、地すべり防止事業の為に４２８４０千円を払う？木はそんなに一杯あるので雷神が山を何回も雷で打って六週間ぐらい雨を降ろすだけで地すべりが起こると思う。

So now we have the real forest, and ... the encroachment of construction.
で、ここは本物の森と・・・段々侵食している工事。

Well, someone lives on the mountain, anyway. Or they did. Here's an abandoned house and car.
ま、誰かがこの山に住んでいるそうだ。それともそうだった。ここは捨てられた家と車だ。

But here's a very small field. Hmm.
でもここには小さな畑だ。うーむ。

Proceeding to the field, I was greeted by a very pleasant surprise; they were terraced fields, with another garden situated just below me on the side of the mountain. Plus I had a great view of the city! Man, I want to buy this land and make an Orientalist dream home!
畑に進むと、とても良い風景に迎えられた；朕の下に山の側にもう一つな畑が在った！ここは棚田（棚畑？）だ！そして町がよく見えた！や～、この土地を買って東洋学者の屋敷を建てたい！

I heard a dog bark as I passed by this ... house? Well, at least I don't have to worry about being shot. Swords are another matter, of course.
この・・・家？の隣で歩く時は犬の鳴き声を聞いた。ま、銃に撃たれるは心配ないね。剣は別の事件だけどさ。

Where is that damn castle? Up the road we go.
その城跡ったれはどこだ？！？よーし、道に上る～

I began to find old farming equipment. What the heck is this?
古い農業器具を見つけた。なんやこりゃ？

Some of the fields appear to be abandoned.
色んな畑は捨てられたみたい。

Junk.
ごみ。

Another abandoned car.
もう一台の捨てられた車。

I reached the end of the road, finding more fields. Half were being used, half were overgrown.
道の終点に着いて畑をもっと見つけた。半分は使用、半分は生い茂る。

I got a shock when I turned around to look at the house and found a poster of a woman inside staring at me.
後ろを向いて家の部屋の中から女性の姿が絵から朕をじっと見ていると大変びっくりした。

There was a semitraditional house, open to the elements. Dirty, not lived in.
半分伝統的な家が天然に開いていた。汚れていた、誰も住んでいない。

Doubling back, I found a small path going off in a different direction. To the castle, perhaps?
道を引き返して他の方面に行っている路を見つけた。城行き、かな？

Nope, a shrine.
いいえ、神社だった。

All it consists of is a stone tablet and a god-house.
ただ銘板と神家だけ・・・

The inscription was so faded I couldn't make anything out.
銘は大変衰えたので何も読めなかった。

As it was getting late, I gave up my search for the castle and headed back down the mountain. I stopped at the school and asked again about the mysterious fortress, only to be told that there was absolutely nothing left - no walls, no timbers, nothing. Just stories from the old men about the time when a castle stood proud upon the mountain.
遅くなっていたので城跡の探検を諦めて山を下げた。また学校で止まってあの不思議な城について尋ねたが、残りは全くないと言われた。壁、板材、何も。ただ山の上に自慢できる城が輝いて建てあったの老人の話だけ。